Cut me again

Tomorrow is the surgery for the Venous Port needed for chemo. I'm already tired of being poked and prodded and stuck and cut. So many risks to take for procedures to 'save my life'. I'm terrified with every pending appt, every blood draw, every conversation. I don't want this goddamn port. I don't want chemo, I don't want radiation and I certainly don't want to freakin have needles stuck in my chest just so I can have breasts again to feel like a woman. I cry so much I hate it.